Martha Stewart’s Favor-Right Cooking Songs

“Bake It To The Limit” ….The Eagles
“A Boy Named Sushi”…….Johnny Cash
“Thyme After Time”…………Cindy Lauper
“All My Oven”…………………..Beatles

Where Not To Shop On Line

Glands End
L. L. Bean Dip
Steers & Roebuck
J.C. Peony

Video Rentals For The Sick

Bowl Rider
The Sound Of Mucus
Nyquil of the Living Head
Annie Hall’s Mentholated
Romancing the Thrown

Least Popular U.S. Charities

Donald Trump Retirement Fund
The Partnership for Lettuce Repair
Parents without Hummers
Make a Whip Foundation
The Center For Artichoke Heart Transplants

Stocks to Stay Away From

You-Fly-It-Airlines
Rent-A-Moose
Steam Powered Cell phones
Dog Droppings Unlimited
Boil Transplants

Top 5 CDS

Billy Crystal Live in Baghdad
Kenny G. Plays Led Zeppelin
John Tesh, The Missing Tapes
P.B.S. Trailer Park Festivals
Keith Lockhart Meets Little Richard

Tonight At the Drive-In

The Creature from Willie Nelson’s Wallet
I Don’t Care What You Did Last Summer
The Night My Ex’s Found the Axes
I Met Her In A Tree Near Memphis Tennessee
Son Of Toilet

THE 12 WORST D.J. JOKES IN THE U.S. AND RHODE ISLAND 

CAUTION: DO NOT READ THESE JOKES WHILE EATING WINGDINGS 


12. Why hasn’t the Quasimodo ever become a full Modo? 

phono

 11. Did you hear about the D.J. who has a hoop over his bed because he tosses alot in his sleep?

10. A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asks, “what would you like?”

The seal says, “Anything but a Canadian Club!”

 9. What sign do they need to post at Home Depot?

 “The toilets are for DISPLAY PURPOSES ONLY!”

phono

8. A patient who can’t stop singing, “The Green, Green Grass of Home”, and is diagnosed with Tom Jones disease?

His doctor tells him, “IT’S NOT UNUSUAL”!

7. When Larry LaPrise, the composer of the HOKEY POKEY, died, the toughest part was getting him in the coffin!

A disk jockey asked the undertaker to put his left leg in and then the fights broke out.

 6. The real reason the Titanic sank. SHIP HAPPENS!

5. Not all dj’s live in a trailer. There’s a huge waiting list! 

4. A penguin walked into a bar trying to find his twin brother. The bartender’s first question, “What does he look like?”

phono

 3. The Impaled Disk-Jockey Joke.A bar goes INTO a guy!

  2. Why aren’t there any ORIENTIAL NASCAR drivers”? 

 They can’t find a sportscaster who will say, “there’s a DONG COMING UP THE REAR”! 

1. A d.j. walks into a bar with a piece of blacktop under his arm and orders 2 drinks,

One for him and one for the ROAD!

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